Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
- AL CAPONE

If you’ve seen one city slum, you’ve seen them all.
- SPIRO AGNEW

If you’ve seen one redwood, you’ve seen them all.
- RONALD REAGAN

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
- DWIGHT D EISENHOWER

He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return.
- SOUTH AFRICAN SAYING

Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
- ARTHUR C CLARKE

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
- GROUCHO MARX

What is the sound of one hand clapping?
- Zen Buddhism

A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.
- Montaigne

Many would be cowards if they had courage enough.
- Thomas Fuller

The chicken was the egg’s idea for getting more eggs.
- Samuel Butler

A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.
- Anon

What happens to your fist when you open your hand?
- Zen Buddhism

Maybe I’m lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.
- ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT

The more you know, the less you think you know.
- Anon

If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
- Yiddish proverb

Pretend to spank me - I’m a pseudo-masochist!

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!

Chaste makes waste.

Neutrinos have bad breadth.

If it were not for space, all matter would be jammed together in one lump and that lump wouldn’t take up any room.

Programmers get overlaid.

Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.

Schizophrenia sure beats being alone.

Kiss me twice. I’m schizophrenic.

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before.
- MAE WEST

You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their toys.

I used to be an adult before I grew up.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.