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Inner Peace Group of Ottawa, Canada

Humour Page of the Month

For May, 2019 - A new page is posted around the beginning of each month.

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

Schizophrenia sure beats being alone.

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Boycott meat - suck your thumb.

Old musicians never die, they just decompose.

We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it’s fully integrated.

Kiss me twice. I’m schizophrenic.

Alex Haley was adopted!

He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.

Insomnia isn’t anything to lose sleep over.

Life is not one thing after another.... it’s the same damn thing over and over!

The meek will inherit the Earth..... The rest of us will go to the stars.

Any given computer program, when running correctly, is obsolete.

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he’ll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.

Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.

“Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought.”
- Albert Szent-Gyorgi

Doing what you like is freedom; liking what you do is happiness.

Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to.

Only Robinson Crusoe could have everything done by Friday.

You don’t have to know where you’re going as long as you’re on your way.

Have the courage to take off when the others are standing still.

Learn how to bend and you’ll never have to break.

We accomplish in proportion to what we attempt.

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.

A friend is one who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

The real thing doesn’t advertise.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Our parents were never our age.

Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.


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This page posted May, 2019.