Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it.

A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

Women like the simplest things in life...men.

Never attribute to malice what can by adequately explained by stupidity.

Real life isn’t like this.

Talent does what it can, genius does what it must, I do what I’m paid to do.

The one who dies with the most toys wins.

Be different, act normal.

If you don’t understand my silence you won’t understand my words.

Love means having to say you’re sorry every five minutes.

Love is not enough, but is sure helps.

I may not always be perfect, but I’m always me.

Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.

Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
-Albert Eistein

Still crazy after all these years.
-Paul Simon

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
- Dorothy Parker

The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectator.
-Macaulay

Are you making this up as you go along?

No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.

I never argue with fools. People might not know the difference.

Once you accept his assumptions even a madman seems reasonable.

When its you against the world, back the world.

Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances.

He who laughs last probably didn’t get the joke.

I’ve heard that money can’t buy happiness, but I’d like to find out for myself.

I do my best to be just who I am, but everybody wants me to be just like them.

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.