Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

People from Los Angeles don’t trust the air they can’t see.

Eschew obfuscation.

I’d rather have this bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!

A specialist is someone who has learned more and more about less and less until he knows all there is to know about nothing at all.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

When a person puts his best foot forward and gets it stepped on--that’s life.

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

Committee-- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
- Graffiti

Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
- Tallulah Bankhead

Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Life is a terminal illness.
- Don Wallace

Writing a program is nothing but debugging a blank page.
- Anonymous but frustrated Stanford programmer

Advice is a dangerous commodity.

Some actions have an end but no beginning; some begin but do not end. It all depends upon where the observer is standing.
- Frank Herbert, CHILDREN OF DUNE

Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. In computer science, we are all standing on each others’ feet.
- Paraphrase from G. Popek

A logician trying to explain logic to a programmer is like a cat trying to explain to a fish what it’s like to be wet.
- Anon

Why look here for the joke? It’s all around us.

Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.