Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

The coal industry is being run by men with dirty mines.

Eat at Joe’s Diner -- One Million flies can’t be wrong.

Speed Kills. But in this company it merely astonishes.

Teachers: Remember you are dealing with sensitive high strung children who are probably armed.

Consider: Many of the political jokes you laughed at last month have been elected.

Read your newspaper - an informed citizen panics more intelligently.

It takes scratch to go to a dermatologist.

Insomnia cures snoring.

Eliminate government waste -- No matter how much it costs!

Dentists are happy only when they are down in the mouth.

Avoid diseases not backed by a national foundation.

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
- ROBERT D. SPRECHT (RAND CORP)

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- GERALD WEINBERG

Zimmerman’s Law of Complaints: Nobody notices when things go right.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.
- CONFUCIUS

Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein.
- BOOK OF PROVERBS

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
- MARK TWAIN

There’s a plot to make it look like I’m a paranoid!!!
- Amos Salmonson

ME, paranoid? Why do you ask?!
- Victor Kostrikin

The possibility does exist, of course, that I am paranoid... But that’s what they want me to think, isn’t it?
- Ed Pearson

A wise man knows everything, a shrewd one, everybody.
- Chinese Fortune Cookie

I wouldn’t mind the number of paranoids around today, if they weren’t all out to get me.
- Malcolm Edwards

Another person’s secret is like another person’s money: You are not as careful with it as you are with your own.
- E. W. Howe

Legalize freedom.

What you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.

In the land of the blind the one-eyed must be mad.

You’re never alone with a split personality.