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Guide to Expressing Feelings
There is a distinct difference between feelings and thoughts. Typically, Adult Children are unfamiliar with words that describe feelings. In dysfunctional families feelings are not allowed. As children we learned don't talk, don't trust, and don't feel, so feeling, trusting and talking become the healing process for us. We allow ACA meetings to come from our feelings rather than from our control because alcoholism and codependency are diseases of denial and control. Below is a list of “feeling” words.
My Feelings Are Worth My “Attention”Today I have a choice in how to deal with my feelings. My emotions are visitors that stay forever unless I talk them out or work them out. Otherwise, I will inevitably act them out. When I suppress my feelings, they often show up in the form of phobias, compulsions or physical ailments. Through the day, I will pay attention to how my body responds to feelings. If my throat is tight, perhaps I am angry. If my chest is heavy, perhaps I am sad. My body can give me much information if I don't disconnect from my physiological responses. If I have alienated myself from my emotions, today is the day I will welcome them and allow them to pass. I realize now that my feelings are interrelated; when I can deny my sadness or pain, I can just as easily deny my joy and pleasure. When I unconsciously act out repressed emotions, I become out of touch with my own life. Today I will remember that from my feelings blossoms vulnerability, sensitivity, and healing.
Source: Daily Affirmations For Adult Children of Alcoholics, Rokelle Lerner, Health Communications, 1985. p.361. |
Guidelines For Expressing Feelings:
- Expressing feelings begins with “I...” keeping the focus on me.
- Formula: “I feel ____ (adjective follows: happy, sad, embarrassed, elated, etc.) about...”
- Feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad, they just are.
- Saying, “I feel THAT...,” is NOT expressing a feeling.
- If I can substitute “I think” for “I feel,” then I am expressing a thought.
| Feeling Words |
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|---|---|---|
| angry enraged loved exhausted happy sorry generous heavenly sympathetic grief stricken afraid bewildered refreshed clumsy immature supernatural used stupid dull understanding inspired discouraged humble frigid abused pensive blah romantic taut foolish low edgy giddy unglued elated pooped groovy privileged distant submissive quiet cooperative uncertain seductive safe panicky confident merry rejected paralyzed stretched affectionate proud enthusiastic burdened tearful confused important bored sexual dishonest sweaty excited spineless belligerent defiant tickled-to-death bugged magnanimous ugly heroic virile wimpy hopeless deferential bothered trapped miserable apprehensive satisfied seething blocked thankful compassionate at ease |
irritated frustrated loving lively joyful sorrowful grateful humiliated relaxed comfortable scared frisky repressed awkward infantile hot glad bright explosive forgiving adequate encouraged cool warm sunshiny powerless bubbly carefree grumpy comforted icky zingy timid disorganized airy jealous frightened warm-hearted close dependent evasive contemptuous aggressive repulsive fearful grief-stricken tolerant confused energetic shut-out bushed empathetic alarmed trusting weepy resentful respected impatient frustrated silly honest dead-eyed breathless terrified bellicose disgusted depressed dutiful funny peeved dreamy exuberant ebullient tense vacant mixed-up conflicted dismayed worried content furious puzzled relieved down-in-the-dumps |
annoyed anxious tired vigorous sad greedy thankful compassionate at ease uneasy confused relieved hopeful aware unnatural torrid dumb brilliant considerate forgiven inadequate courageous cold uncomfortable ecstatic powerful tender floating jolly high cuddly playful uptight lost disappointed delighted smiley quivery dominant talkative embarrassed assertive self-assured open guilty calm rejuvenated starry-eyed immobilized whiny strong lonely threatened beaten hurt envious helpless played-out caring two-faced nauseated itchy gutless insecure determined surprised sharp stagnated hilarious hesitant committed wishy-washy horrified independent appealing disturbed petrified disappointed overjoyed bitter mad pissed hopeful uneasy aware |
Now read about The Ways We Avoid Our Feelings.
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This information is current and unlikely to change soon.