Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.”
-Wernher von Braun

“No matter where you go... there you are”
-Buckaroo Bonzai

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

Laws of Computer Programming and Politics:
(1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
(2) Any given program costs more and takes longer.
(3) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
(4) If a program is useless, it will have to be studied and documented.
(5) Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.
(6) The value of a program is porportional to the weight of its (paper) output.
(7) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the people who must maintain it.
-SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2

If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space!

Be alert - The world is short of lerts!

Insanity is hereditary, You get it from your children.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Gravity doesn’t exist: the earth sucks.

!lanimret siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH

Weiler’s Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Bye’s First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.

Patron: Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.
-Johnson: Definition Dictionary

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
-Ambrose Bierce: Devil’s Dictionary

An ambassador is a man of virtue sent to lie abroad for his country; a news-writer is a man without virtue who lies at home for himself.
-Sir Henry Wotton: Reliquae Wottonianae

Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life down here.

Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.