Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

If you enjoy working with people be a mortician.

Alimony is a splitting headache.

Dracula is a pain in the neck.

If you’ve half a mind to watch TV, that’s enough!

In every family tree there’s sap.

There’s too much water in our chlorine supply.

End discrimination -- Hate everybody!

Michelangelo would’ve made better time with a roller.

Be sincere, Whether you mean it or not!

Don’t smother your wife in mink if there’s a cheaper way - try killing her with kindness.

Avon is a ding-dong operation.

Jack and Jill are over the hill.

The unnatural, that too is natural.
- GOETHE

I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.
- GRAFFITI

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.
- SAMUEL GOLDWYN

He hasn’t one redeeming vice.
- OSCAR WILDE

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- GRAFFITI

Bradley’s Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee...that will do them in.

Ketterling’s Law: Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

“We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately”
- Benjamin Franklin -

On the Train of Thought 99% of the tickets sold are half fare.
- Ed Cagle, KWALHIOQUA #8

If everybody hated you, you’d be paranoid too.
- D. J. Hicks

I’m not paranoid, it’s just that everyone else thinks I am.
- G Farber

Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
- Lazarus Long

Certainly the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you; if you don’t bet, you can’t win.
- Lazarus Long

If you’re normal, who wants to be normal?

Sounds like a personal problem to me.

Don’t let school interfere with your education.

With liberty and justice for all who can afford it.

It’s been Monday all week today.

It’s not easy for a night person to work days.

It’s impolite to silence a fool and cruel to let him go on.

Being normal is driving me crazy.