Humour Page of the Month

Phrases of Humour and Wisdom:

Don’t be ashamed of poverty unless you got it dishonestly

Money DOES talk-- it says goodbye!

The Weather Bureau is a non-prophet organization.

Repairmen know the tricks of the trade, but not the trade!

Old Blondes never fade, they just dye away

Front page weather summary from a Stanford Daily: “Today - Rain likely. Patchy fog likely. Temperatures likely. Tomorrow - More Rain. More fog. More likely.”

Many a false step is made by standing still.

Is a computer language with goto’s totally Wirth-less?

A man’s house is his hassle.

Chaste makes waste.

A chicken is an egg’s way of producing more eggs.

“Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles”
- Pat Paulsen

“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it”
- W. C. Fields

“Six years for possession of a cigarette?...I got six months for possession of a deadly weapon!”
- cartoon by S. Harris

“What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick!”
- Bill Kirchenbaum, comedian

“I’ve seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I’ve seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head”
- George Wallace

“You don’t have to explain something you never said”
- Calvin Coolidge

Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
- Lazarus Long

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
- Lazarus Long

It is better to copulate than never.
- Lazarus Long

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
- Lazarus Long

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
- Lennon and McCartney

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.
- Mick Jagger

I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid.

When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

You’re never too old to have a fun childhood.